My Mom Won’t Stop Drinking—How Do I Help Her?
Watching a loved one struggle with alcohol addiction can be heartbreaking, especially when that person is your mother. You may feel powerless, frustrated, or even guilty for not being able to “fix” the problem. But the truth is, while you can’t force her to stop drinking, you can take meaningful steps to encourage change, protect your own well-being, and offer support in a way that is both loving and effective.
Understanding Alcoholism: The Root Causes and Psychological Impact
Alcoholism, or alcohol use disorder (AUD), is more than just excessive drinking—it’s a chronic disease that alters brain chemistry and impairs a person’s ability to control their alcohol consumption. The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA) explains that genetic, environmental, and psychological factors all contribute to alcohol addiction. Stress, trauma, mental health conditions like depression or anxiety, and social influences can all play a role in developing dependency.
For many, alcohol becomes a coping mechanism, numbing emotional pain or providing an escape from life’s difficulties. Understanding this can help shift your perspective from frustration to compassion. Your mother isn’t choosing addiction—she’s caught in a cycle that is difficult to break without proper support.
Treatment Options: Navigating the Path to Recovery
Encouraging your mother to seek help is one of the most effective ways you can support her. There are various treatment options available, ranging from medical detox and inpatient rehabilitation to outpatient therapy and support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA).
If she’s open to professional help, start by researching local treatment centers or therapists specializing in addiction. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) offers a free, confidential helpline (1-800-662-HELP) that can provide referrals to treatment facilities.
Medication-assisted treatment (MAT), such as naltrexone or acamprosate, may also be an option to help reduce cravings and dependency. However, treatment is not one-size-fits-all, and a healthcare professional can help determine the best course of action.
Dealing with Resistance: When She Refuses Help
One of the most challenging aspects of helping a loved one with alcoholism is encountering resistance. Denial is common, and your mother may react with defensiveness, anger, or minimization of her drinking problem.
If she refuses help, don’t engage in arguments or ultimatums—they rarely lead to lasting change. Instead, focus on setting healthy boundaries while continuing to express your concern. For example, you might say:
“I love you, and I’m worried about your drinking. I want to support you in getting help, but I can’t enable this behavior anymore.”
Boundaries could include refusing to provide money for alcohol, not covering for her if she misses responsibilities, or stepping back from emotionally draining conversations. While these decisions can be painful, they are necessary to protect your own well-being and prevent codependency.
Building a Support Network: The Power of Community
Helping someone with an alcohol addiction is exhausting, and you don’t have to do it alone. Finding support for yourself is just as important as supporting your mother. Groups like Al-Anon provide guidance and community for family members affected by a loved one’s alcoholism. Therapy, whether individual or family counseling, can also be invaluable in helping you navigate the emotional challenges of this journey.
You are not responsible for your mother’s recovery, but by offering support, setting boundaries, and prioritizing your own well-being, you can create an environment that encourages healing while ensuring you don’t lose yourself in the process. Recovery is possible, but it has to start with her. Until she is ready, the best thing you can do is take care of yourself and remain a source of love and encouragement.
